Mitch Hedberg (mhedberg) wrote,
Mitch Hedberg

So, as a member of the NRA (the National association of Retired Acrobats . . . not to be confused with the other one) I was recently invited to a conference in Vegas. You know, that place is really bright. I hate when my life becomes an homage to a pop song from the eighties, but the shades had to be donned, my friends. So, I was staying in the Holiday Inn Select that's near the strip (if any of this information is incorrect please remember that I was heavily intoxicated during this entire story, and, in fact, continue to be even as I am typing this). I got up the morning after the evening of my arrival around 2:30pm. I was happy to see that it was daytime and partially overcast so that I could finally take off my sunglasses . . . at least until I went downstairs to get some coffee. I have no scientific explanation for this but somehow the act of reducing the level of light my eyes receive significantly lowers the volume of slot machines. This wasn't originally supposed to be about sunglasses, but I'm having a hard time remembering much else that happened at the moment. Oh yeah . . . so, I ended up paying like $3.50 for a six-ounce cup of coffee. no sugar, no cream . . . . well, needless to say I decided to go back to bed. but like 20 minutes later some jackass started beating on my door. about 15 minutes after that I realized that he wasn't going to stop, so I got up to see what exactly was so important to require my immediate attention. I opened the door to find that he's actually a woman who wants to know if I have any hot water. "How much do you need?" I asked. This prompted her to stare at me quizzically and respond: "No! Your shower . . . is there any hot water coming out of it?" I looked back toward the bathroom and said, "I don't think it's on." This response was clearly not the one she was looking for, so she just shook her head and went back to her room. At this point I was wide awake and suddenly feeling the need to take a shower. So, I turned on the water and got in only to find out that there was no hot water . . . Fuck! I wondered if anyone else had any so I go to knock on the door next to mine. coincidentally it's the same woman who had come to my door earlier. "Do you have any hot water?" "How much do you need?" "Enough to take a shower." "No. Sorry." Back to bed I go.
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